The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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