how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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