Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
