theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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