I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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