you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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