it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
