i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Barsexuality is the new black.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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