Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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