Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
