It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
