Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
