they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
