Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
