that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
