plz talk dirty to me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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