He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
