Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
