sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
