Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
