And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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