Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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