Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need help removing her.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
