I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
