Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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