we're blogging at a bar
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
