All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
