Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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