Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
