Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
