i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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