remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
