There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
