She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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