I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
