I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
