***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
