do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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