sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
