As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
