Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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