I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
