Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
