my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
