have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
