Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
