Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
