Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
