do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
