why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
