I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
