I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
