Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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