i already hear my dad disowning me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
