Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
