His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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