Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So much rum. So many feels.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
