watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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